One thing's for sure.I'm scared of the future. I've lost myself in so many ways during my teen years. I'm only fifteen.
What is to come? Will I cope? Will this depression make me sink deeper? Do I have depression? Or is it just me thinking I do?
Am I going crazy? Do crazy people know they're crazy?
Do I like what I think I like? Am I subconsciously making my life harder for sympathy?
I'm scared. That's all I know for sure.
RealisationToday I realised why I don't like her.
She's everything I wish I could be.
She's everything I want to be.
She's everything I can't be.
Quest to find the Golden LLamaThe quest to find the golden llama.
One day, an average llama named Sam went on the hunt to find the golden llama. Sam had recently heard about the mystical llama from rumours sparked in the heart of her village - Llama Ville. Many didn't believe that the golden llama was real, but a large amount of llamas did exactly what Sam was going to do - go on the hunt to find it.
The Llama was rumoured to be on the far side of the isle in a dark cave, taken prisoner by an evil wizard llama named... Well nobody knew his real name, he was only known as the Keeper of the Golden Llama. Anywho, back to Llama Ville.
Sam didn't really have a starting place to launch her quest so she asked the local drunk, One-Eyed Pete. Pete had lost his eye when he fell over his hoof and landed head first into a rose bush he had been walking past. Tourist llamas were fooled by Pete's story telling, believing he had lost it in a brave battle to the death. Such fools!
"Do you know where I could find the
A girl.Look at me. What comes to mind?
I see a depressed girl, 15 years in age.
A girl that will cry at different times of the day for no reason at all.
A girl that would give up on everything if it were not for her friends.
A girl which has major trust issues.
A girl who feels like an outsider in her own home.
A girl who finds it silly to keep a diary, but knows its the only way shel ever sort out her problems.
A girl who only has a pretty face, and not much more.
Random Thoughts."Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
I wish you didn't believe me so easily. I'm dying inside. Anger and darkness is slowly consuming my usually 'good nature'.
I wish you gave me a hug. A hug is the difference between a slit wrist and a half a smile. I guess you didn't know that.
I wish you said you loved me. I always say it first. It means more when you say it to me. It brightens up my day.
I wish that you kissed me goodnight while I was asleep. I wouldn't have known, but I was awake. I cried after you left.
I wish you kept your promise. Just talking to you for an hour on the internet helps me stay sane.
I wish you kept me company. Words don't have to be said. Your presence is all I need. Don't leave me alone.
I wish you stayed. You complete me. Too late now.